Bigamists, sociopaths, and the call for a marriage database

Article from LoveFraud.Com


In the United States of America, it is impossible to find out if someone is married.
Donna Layne Roberts, whose ex-husband, William Barber, was married at least 12 times, has drafted an online petition to Congress asking for a national database of marriages and divorces. Sandra Phipps, the seventh wife of bigamist Ed Hicks, supports the marriage database petition, and was interviewed in the Virginian-Pilot newspaper last week about her views.
There are people, however, who think a marriage database is a dumb idea. One of them is Kerry Dougherty, a columnist for the Virginian-Pilot. In an article called A good match can come from real talking, she wrote, “There’s a simple way to avoid marrying a bigamist. Get to know your betrothed before sprinting to the altar.”
Some people who posted comments about the database were even more vicious. “Come on, people! Caveat emptor! Take responsibility for the bad decision, and move on,” wrote Brett C. of Portsmouth. “These people who are conned by the bigamists have no one to blame but themselves,” wrote Debbie O. of Virginia Beach.
Bigamists are sociopaths
None of those commentators appear to understand the problem.
In my opinion, most bigamists are sociopaths. I believe that except for mistakes— a few people who think their divorce is finalized when it’s not—in this culture, only a sociopath marries more than one person at once.
Sociopaths have no conscience and feel no emotional connections to other people. This is what enables them to profess their love and devotion to multiple people at the same time. In reality, they have no love or devotion at all. They just mouth the words in order to convince their targets to give them what they want—usually money, sex and a free place to live.
Professional manipulators
So how do they do it? First of all, sociopaths are experts at sizing up a person’s vulnerabilities. Secondly, they are professional manipulators.
Sociopaths are fluent liars. They sidestep questions and always have a plausible answer when discrepancies are noticed. They create authentic-looking documentation. They imply that other people vouch for them, and actually convince other people to cover for them. They keep people apart so it’s impossible to compare notes.
As a result, it is extremely difficult to spot the deception of a sociopath.
Both Donna Layne Roberts and Sandra Phipps knew their betrotheds for more than two years before marrying them. Donna did a background check. That’s hardly “sprinting to the altar.”
More than bigamy
Bigamy is usually just one aspect of a sociopath’s wrongdoing. These people are predators who engage in a wide range of destructive behavior. If you find a bigamist, you’ll probably also find someone who commits fraud, embezzles money, reneges on child support, doesn’t pay taxes, steals from employers, deals drugs or abuses women—any number of nasty things.
Yet as long as the sociopaths don’t commit murder (although there are plenty who do), this country’s legal and financial systems are woefully inadequate in dealing with them. Most fraud offenses are not prosecuted. And for other offenses, sociopaths frequently talk their way out of trouble.
What is the problem? Our legal and financial systems are based on people following the rules. Sociopaths don’t follow the rules.
A marriage database would at least give people who have been targeted by sociopaths a chance to discover the bigamy. Knowing the true character of the predator, they could avoid the trauma that always follows.
Free and clear
So what’s the problem with a marriage database? It’s difficult to think of this as a privacy issue. In many states a marriage license is already public record. So is a divorce. And since a marriage is a legal contract and a divorce is a legal settlement, in the states where these are not public record, they should be.
The point of a marriage database is to make the public records searchable.
You can’t buy a piece of property without getting a title search to make sure you own the property free and clear. It seems to me that getting married is at least as important as buying property. Why can’t we be sure that our spouse is coming to us free and clear?

Socipath Keep the Charade going.

From LoveFraud.Com

Funny how every sociopath have the same pattern. 


I was with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, for two and a half years. During this time, I knew he was costing me money, but he attributed his lack of business success to “being ahead of his time.” I eventually discovered that he was lying and cheating on me. But although I saw eruptions of anger, my ex was never abusive towards me—nothing like the abuse many of you have endured.
Some sociopaths can treat people reasonably well for an extended period of time, if it suits their purpose. For example, Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader:

I was not in a disastrous relationship with my S. Our relationship was less than three years, our marriage less than two, when he openly cheated and decided to leave me, then played games of false reconciliation, which in hindsight were so he could have two sex partners.
The short end of my question is… How do you reconcile the basically happy marriage, the illusion of a man you married with the horrible monster he has become in trying to create turmoil in your life and use your greatest love (your child) to hurt you?

Expressions of love
I’ll get to this reader’s question shortly. But first I want to review some of the information Lovefraud learned in last year’s survey (not the current one) about people involved with individuals who exhibited sociopathic traits. One of the objectives of that survey was to investigate whether and how often sociopaths expressed love.
We asked the question, “Did the individual you were involved with verbally express love or caring to you?”
A total of 85% of all survey respondents said yes. And, when the individuals being described were the spouses or romantic partners of the survey respondents, rather than parents, children or others, 92% of the males and 95% of the females expressed love verbally.
How often did this happen? A total of 44% of survey respondents said the sociopathic individual expressed love daily.

Complete change
The survey also asked the following: “Please provide a brief description of the way the person you were involved with expressed love. How did this change over the course of your relationship?”
Now I’ve been hearing all kinds of stories about the games sociopaths play in relationships for more than five years. Yet some of the answers to this question still made my jaw drop.
A small group of survey respondents reported a complete change of behavior the moment they were committed to the relationship—moved in, married or pregnant. This startling change was reported in reference to 7% of the females and 5% of the males. Here are some of the quotes:

Initially with dates, flowers, gifts and little thoughtfullness’s. After I married him, he said, on the Honeymoon, ‘I can stop acting now.’ I thought that he was joking. I later learned he did not do jokes.
From very loving to cold indifference…started right after we were married … The change was startling … cold, distant, indifferent, condescending, mean spirited, accusatory … self righteous, irresponsible
It changed the minute we got married. Then he owned me you see, I was nothing to him after he lured me in!  All he wanted was MONEY!
In the beginning of the relationship (before marriage) he was loving, caring, could not do enough for me. Called me his soul mate, his true companion in life. This continued until the day I married him, within hours after the wedding ceremony his personality shifted. It was as if I had dated and fell in love with one person, but married someone I was completely unfamiliar with, he was a stranger to me in all ways.

Doesn’t exist
So, back to our reader’s question, “How do you reconcile the basically happy marriage with the horrible monster he has become?”
The man this reader saw during the happy part of the marriage did not exist. It was an act, a charade, a mirage that the sociopath kept going until it no longer served his purpose. The real man is the horrible monster.

How to spot a Con

Taken from Website LoveFraud.Com

Red flags: flattery, inflated credentials:


Fast talking for fast decisions

Sooner or later, you will have a run-in with a sociopath. There are just too many of them—possibly between 3 million and 12 million sociopaths in America. And they aren't necessarily locked up in jail. Sociopaths roam through all parts of society, all areas of the country, all walks of life.
There is only one way to protect yourself from sociopaths: You must know what they are, and put your guard up when you start seeing the symptoms.
Sociopaths are prolific con artists. Here are some typical con artist tricks. For even more information about how con artists work, Lovefraud recommends The Complete Idiot's Guide to Frauds, Scams, and Cons, by Duane Swierczynski.

Lavish flattery

If you've just met someone who is overwhelming you with praise, attention and concern, be careful. Be particularly careful if you're lonely and looking for love—con artists know exactly how to play that tune.

Credentials—exaggerated and fabricated

Con artists may "prove" themselves by namedropping or volunteering detailed resumes or credentials. If you're at all suspicious, check their references.

Building your trust

Con artists will sometimes honor their commitments in the beginning so that you begin to trust them. They'll pay back initial loans, or appear to be unselfishly helping other people. Their objective is to get you to drop your guard.

The story doesn't quite add up

The con artist's story may have small inconsistencies or unexplained loose ends. If you ask questions, the con will glibly provide an explanation—which may also not add up. Or, he or she will sidestep the issue by accusing you of paranoia or mistrust.

"I need an answer now."

A crisis needs to be averted, an opportunity will disappear—whatever the reason, a con artist will want an answer right away. If you have time to think, research or ask advice, you may realize that con artist's plan is a ploy. The con will want your money before you figure it out.

Intense eye contact

Typically, when people talk to each other, they look each other in the eyes and then briefly look away. Sociopathic con artists often exhibit a "predatory stare"—unblinking, fixated and emotionless. It's not a sign of empathy—it's an effort to assert control.

Isolation

Con artists will slowly and subtly separate you from people who may question their plans. They may intercept phone calls from your friends. They may refuse to associate with your family. They'll tell you, "It's you and me against the world, baby." Soon, you're alone with them, snared in their net.
For a jaw-dropping look at how sociopaths employ all these techniques, read Love Fraud-How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual

Life's Lesson

Men who lie


So i was deployed from dec 2009-Oct 2010.  Was an alright deployment learned alot. the one thing i learned is that the Army is a whole different place. Privates have no discipline or respect. and most of the people who deploy dont do it b/c they want to serve but b/c they want promoted, their ulterior motive in going. alot of lies on this deployment as well.

I meet this guy Lance McCormick he was alright, he seemed like he was a good guy, i didnt start saying i love you or talk about having feelings or wanting a future, and i never asked him nor did i expect it from him. This was Iraq and it is what it is. but he started with the i love you and talking about being married, first thought he was dumb and crazy, why would he do that after only talking for a couple of month on email then meeting, Seemed weird, but whatever.  In hindsight i knew he was married, but when i asked he denied everything,  even when i asked about the ring on his RIGHT hand he said it was for his dead wife from kuwait, he had trained a Kuwait prince and married his sister, and would get upset b/c i would make side remarks during conversations about how his wife should do this or that.

I would find things that showed otherwise that he was not only married, but having relationships with other women. One was Victoria Bressner, she is older like almost 50 and sends him love letters and sex toys. He got mad when i asked about her, and he did not have explanation just that they were friends. hmm what kind of friend is that? the other lady is Fatima she would send him txt msgs his lie for her was that she was is dead wife's sister. hmm well she is the wife and it was just another lie.

I learned everything that came out of his mouth was a lie, He even claims to be a Special Forces Ranger Sniper . His last unit he has posted his 505th 3rd Brigade HHC Fayetteville, NC according to Wikipedia the unit was reorganized in 1942 and why put Fayetteville Nc when did the army put units outside of the post?.. but he cant show you anything but a couple of scars. One time i said i would like to see you in class A's b/c you would look sharp, hmm he looked scared. hmm i thought why look so scared if he did all that he said he did? 

He also claims he use to run Blackwater for 4 years....hmm if he knew all and any Blackwater associates were kicked out of Iraq no matter what connections you had.

And in the end, my jealousy was founded true. Lance McCormick is married with multiple women.

Victoria Bressner (longtime g/f) Illinois
 Fatima (kuwait wife) 

Dana M. Ellis (g/f wife?) Florida.

Amy Hubbard (wife?) High Point NC

those are the ones that are known of. there are probably more. Lance is weak is fear of being alone is his weakness, but will use it to keep his "toys". and really that is all anyone is to him is a toy how can he play with you to get what he wants. He does not LOVE anyone but himself, he cant even love his children enough to not want to cheat or lie
He has defaced his ex wives, by calling them cheating whores, when in reality Lance is the cheating whore.

Ironic. How he will turn everything around him into a lie, but it will be part of what he is really going thru. He used his wife as his daughter told me all about what "his daughter" was doing in reality he was telling me about his wife.
He is the one that needs help. I have claimed my faults, now he should answer to his.


Some think I am doing this because I am the woman scorned. Because he said he was going to marry me and then turns out he was already married.  or  I am doing this to get back at him.......


Hmmmm No when he asked me to marry him in Iraq, I stopped to think, What if this is real, What if there was a future with this guy. Did some part of me wish for it?   Yes maybe in some sense i did, Maybe in some sense i was i hoping i was paranoid and he was who he said he was.  But knowing what i found and what he was doing. Hmm that part of me shut up real quick and just left.


Hard to know that I could have been the 5th wife of this dude. But seeing how he treated the ones that he was married to, there was no way in hell i was going to be the 5th.  He will marry you and then abandon you. He will move on to someone else.  That is a con artist and scammer. He wont take your money, he just takes your soul leave you wondering why you deserved to be treated so bad.  He will lie about his prior relationships, How every single of them have cheated on him and how they all did him wrong. But in the end he was the one doing them wrong. Cheating on them, lying about who they were,  just so the next woman will feel bad for him.